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Wikiality.com is slowly trying to get back in the groove of writing truthy news. Please excuse the quality and quantity during this period. Enjoy Write A Caption and our Daily Poll in the interim. See Also: :Daily Poll Write A Caption Bear Watchers Abomination Watch Breaking News Archive Latest In Truthy News GOP News: We Are still Party of One Few Many America Don’t know what the hell I am doing anymore… Everything is fine folks! February 10, 2009 - Nation, I know liberals has accused the GOP of being reckless careless. But lets face it Nation, the liberals are known of doing terrible blunders… like voter fraud… That will never happen to us Real Americans. Nation, the GOP has gained a lot of ground over the week, and we are doing fantastic!! Now, if only the liberal media will just pick up the slack and start lynching grilling torturing interrogating questioning the mooslim president. Instead they are just making his job too easy… But thank God we have Real Americans doing Real Journalism and actually doing the questioning… This reminds me, sources tell us that there is some witch in the White House’s grounds… On a personal note, this wikiality reporter will be busy the next few months. I just found Work This intrepid reporter will be going undercover... so he wont be able to spread truthiness as much as he wants. But dont worry the way the GOP is handling the economic issue we will be seeing an increase of idle hands and unemployed citizens bored to tears volunteers. But I promise I will continue to fight against the hippie bear-loving liberals and this mooslim president. After all I took my oath to lie, deceive, and misinform the public protect freedom, tell nothing but the truthiness, and uphold justice the GOP Real American way. The Lord Smotes Lesbians! Almost two years to the day, The Lord, Thy Father smotes Australia for outbreak of lesbianism in their koala population! s skinny dipping for a webcam.]] VICTORIA, AUSTRALIA, February 10, 2009-- Very few Real Australians understood why God had foresaken them with a drought, a heatwave and wildfires. But, every Good American knows, "The lesbians have got to bear some burden for this because God will not be mocked. And when we destroy 40 million little innocent koalas, we make God mad. I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People For the American Way--all of them who have tried to secularize Australia--I point the finger in their face and say "you helped this happen."http://www.beliefnet.com/Faiths/Christianity/2001/09/You-Helped-This-Happen.aspx Everyone knows that Acts of God are directed at a nation when the people sin turning away from The Lord Thy God and not from arson. So, get praying Australians. If you know what's good for you. ### GOP Wins Concedes compromises War on Socialism Stimulus Package GOP takes back congress Real America awaits government aid February 9, 2009 - Nation, great news! We won!! Obama™ has become a failure and the “Stimulus” plan failed to pass!!! Woohooo!! Take that hippie bear-loving liberal!! Nation, I bring sad news… for some strange reason the mooslim president was able to establish his socialist agenda… Not only that, but his project to establish a nation-wide madrasa was also approved. “This is terrible!! America lost… the American people are the losers on this one…” proclaimed a Republican Senator. Nation, do not despair. We have “Influential Powers” that will allow us to stop this menace before it destroys our country… The business community has given us full support to destroy this bill once and for all… and I say …filibuster today… filibuster tomorrow… filibuster forever!! Nation… I am sorry, but unforeseeable events have led me to stop writing this article and was told we should support Our President 100% for now… So please Ignore my previous rant and lets just get along… OK? GOP Call to Jihad Arms The South GOP will rise again! The Patriotic States of America. February 9, 2009 - Nation, the era of partisanship is over, yet someone has forgotten to tell that to the bear-loving hippie liberals. The mooslim president promised us that this new government will represent the voice of America, yet why does the mooslim president continues to deny our demands the public’s pleas for help? Nation, don’t worry. Obama™ will capitulate to public pressure and resign once he sees that he was never meant to be our President. The GOP has the upper hand and the support of The Real America! According with the new chairman of the Republican Party, the public is disgusted with the new economic recovery plan that is filled with bling-bling pork. Mr. Obama™, tear down this stimulus plan! We warned you what would happen if you didn’t listen to us!! The GOP public demands more tax cuts! We have evidence that this plan will destroy America forever!! Nation, we must not waver our will against these liberals terrorists, we will show them that an united front will stop them from destroying what is left of America! Only us can save the USA!! Nation, do not forget that the world is watching us! We must set a positive example for others to follow! After all we are the world’s role model! Gut News: More Gut News!! Stephen Colbert should get Nobel Prize February 9, 2009 - Nation, more and more evidence is surfacing demonstrating that the Gut is the superior brain!! Many in Wikiality are wondering why hasn’t Mr. Nobel giving his cash prize to our beloved Stephen… America’s only BFF, Saudi Arabia Britain Battered wife British welcomed home Bulliest Friendliest Nation of America. February 8, 2009 - Nation, I just want to remind you, even thought America didn’t win the world popularity contest. Is good to know we still maintain good relations with our Allies Ally close to us when we need them. Is good to know we still have friends even in these difficult times… specially a friend who can keep a “secret”, not like France or the EU… specially the Germans WHO GAVE US bad INTELLIGENCE IN IRAQ… oops what’s that suppose to be a secret?… please forget what I said… So Nation, don’t forget to send a card once in a while to our tea-sucking-biscuit-munching-terrible-cavities Ally for not telling the world that we tortured and violated human rights and the Geneva convention over and over again for keeping our national secrets away from Terrorists and other liberal traitors… You pussies guys are awesome... EMERGENCY NEWS: GOP’S UNLIMITED CAMPAIGN DONATIONS AMERICA’S FREEDOM OF SPEECH IN DANGER!!! CEOs demand equal voice against unions and tax payers social welfare The United Motherf#@ker States of America Real America. February 8, 2009 - Nation, you know me. I care a lot about corporate contributions freedom of speech. And right now those fundamental tenants of our freedoms are being oppressed across the nation. Many Corporations, CEOs and The Ultra Rich Real Americans were force to close their purses shut their mouth in what it should be an important freedom of speech issue. “This is unfair, I am not allowed to give large political contributions to crush these peasants express my opinion against policies that makes America unsafe and un-american” proclaimed a Rich White man republican loyalist. “I wanna talk about how these unions are destroying America, and my money right to freedom of speech does all of the talking. How am I suppose to compete fairly now that I am not allowed to buy my politicians fairly express my opinions?” declared a CEO small business owner. “Our company needs more bailout money, we are first priority!! It’s time to stop these welfare queens from draining our poor government. We need that free money first!” claimed a banker. The new chairman of the GOP agrees, “Is time to stop these government jobs welfare programs. They haven’t contributed to the economy of our Nation. I will demand Congress to cut spending so we will be able to save a lot of money from our taxpayers.” Nation, we the people of Wikiality believe these Social Welfare Programs must be eliminated. The New GOP chairman gave us a list of what is considered to be welfare programs that the welfare queens are disguising it to be essential to the nation, nice try... Nation, demand congress to Eliminate these programs at once, before they drain our economy: *The United States Military The Gayscouts of America *The United States Department of Defense Some government program to arm the Gays *The United States Postal Service a government program where you shoot people everyday *The Firefighter Department (we suspect is full of gays) *The Police Department (Blackwater promises us they can save a ton of money AND keep us safe at the same time!) *Public Administration (the public is full of un-american gay bear-loving liberals, I say let the market decide!) *Public construction works and maintenance (ridiculous, government has no business in construction, I say rip those contracts, kick those liberal contractors out, and let the market decide!) *Government own public utilities (I say let the market decide our gas and water prices, not the government! It worked so well with Oil…) *Libraries (they are still hiding something™) *Schools liberal madrasas *And several Government jobs welfare programs… Crime Continues to Rise in America Obama™ is to blame February 7, 2009 - Nation, ever since the mooslim president took over, crime has become more rampant and dangerous. Gang activity has tripled, the youth of society is out of control, and we just uncovered a conspiracy to undermine the safety of our government!!! First of all the new mooslim president strikes me as suspicious, we just found out that Obama™ has “undesirables” within the White House. According with sources these “undesirables” also go by the name of ‘coons’ and had been pestering White House staff… “Seriously, when will these ‘coons’ leave? I wish Bush was back” claimed a republican… Then, ever since Obama™ took office, we have notice strange youth activity around the country, some of them have joined gangs to undermine religious authorities, we fear that the liberal educashun has warped their minds and they have been emboldened by having a black man mooslim as their heretic leader… some have even gone so far as to deface property and vandalize public areas by leaving obscene graffiti and gang signs… and we believe their delinquent leader has ties to the mooslim president… It gets worst, just today we learned that Rep. Peter Hoekstra, a republican democrat from Michigan, decided it would be fun to let the entire world know that a secret congressional trip has just taken place. For security reasons the trip was to be kept secret. The “Traitor” used twitter, an Islamic website (we believe), to communicate his mooslim friends about their activity and by giving them details about their itinerary that was updated every hour. The group was secretly traveling to Iraq to surprise the troops and throw a surprise party… cake and all!… and this republican democrat scum had to go ahead and ruin the surprise… some manners… So as you can see Nation, we have gang activity increasing, crime going rampant, and government secrets being spilled under the Obama™ administration… I wonder how long it will take before someone does something… GOP Not Dead!! News of Racism within GOP greatly exaggerated The United States of America #1. February 6, 2009 - Nation, news that the GOP was changing its platform and its policy to reflect contemporary America was dead to traditional America has been greatly exaggerated. “Seriously guys. We don’t need to change. After all… THIS IS SPARTA AMERICA!!” proclaimed Republican Senator Leonidas. “I believe the Republican party will easily win back Congress, just wait and see…” When liberal reporters asked to Senator Leonidas, if Republicans in general knew what were they doing, the senator scoffed the idea that Republicans were lost. “Listen, we know what we are doing, we got this! The Republican Party will triumph again. We are not ready to abandon America… nor we will abandon the tenants of democracy…. Good News!!: GM Unveils New Plan!! GM sends bill to Congress to pay for new veil Jagofftown SUV-town, USA. February 6, 2009 - Nation, Great News!! GM Chrysler has just released good news that they have come up with a new plan to save the automotive industry! And the idea is so great that the rest of the automobile industry are joining in their plan!! They believe that with this new plan, they will not only save the economy but they will finally get rid of fuel-efficiency standards foreign vehicles forever. USA! USA! USA! Here is the plan in simple terms: 1. Oil Prices Increases. Suddenly, fuel-efficient small foreign vehicles are more attractive. 2. Customers are not buying American cars; instead they are buying foreign cheap cars. 3. The Big Three asks for free money bailout money from taxpayers to save industry, promising to pay it back someday 4. Industry uses Taxpayer money to invest in fuel efficiency to lobby government to keep oil-guzzling vehicles as industrial standard. 5. Americans refuse to buy oil-guzzling monsters American cars. 6. Automobile Industry uses rest of Taxpayer money to sue the taxpayers to ban fuel-efficiency standard, therefore foreigners will leave and Americans will have no choice but to buy American cars! 7. Industry is safe! Profits will rain! There you have it Nation, a brilliant plan! And the liberals said that they didn’t have a plan… See Nation, the Republicans know what is good for Real America. And the liberals said this whole thing was a bad idea… Nation, don’t listen to Obama™, he still insists that the GOP is wrong when it comes in creating jobs. The Republican Party knows how to create jobs, you can believe it! Just today I was told that some prominent Republican was given a job offer after losing his pervious work… *UPDATE: Nation, GM came up with an additional plan to enrich themselves save the economy... :Phase 1: Collect $7-Billion Tax-waiver :Phase 2: ? :Phase 3: Profit!!! Mooslim president cant stop potty mouth Dick Cheney put to shame The United F@#king States of F@#king America. February 5, 2009 - Well Nation… the mooslim genie is out of the bottle… as soon as Obama™ started to swear against the GOP, the mooslim president couldn’t stop himself. Just this morning McCain said hello to him and he responded with the F word. …I mean… what happened to the liberal well spoken Obama™? I never heard a ghetto liberal black man speak like that! Oh, it didn’t just stop there. As soon as he arrived back to Washington, he started to throw more obscene words around. When asked about Rush Limbaugh he said some unpleasant things about Mr. Limbaugh. When the GOP asked to explain the Economic Recovery Package plan, he replied with some strong words that we cannot print here. And when the GOP demanded more tax cuts and less spending on the bill, Obama used some very demeaning words against fellow republicans. But Nation, it doesn’t just stop there. He didn’t just use such vulgar words against Real Americans and Republicans. The mooslim president started to get “too” comfortable with himself and has been heard to use such “words” in every day activity… Like when his vice-president tried to steal his fries from his plate during lunch time. The mooslim president said some pretty awful things to Joe Biden… And when Democrats asked for his secret blackberry number he replied in an un-presidential manner… And when reporters asked him what he will do later tonight, he replied in a manner that makes me question his sanity at this point… Nation, the worst part is that Wikiality was told later that day, that an audio publishing company was interested on recording the presidential voice to be sold around the country. It seems that for some reason this new “Obama”™ is more popular with the public than ever… I bet the Japanese have something to do with it… Let us hope this thing doesn’t go global… can you imagine that?… Un-American News: 2009 World Popularity Contest America: I will buy everyone a puppy! February 5, 2009 - Nation, every year the world takes some sort of survey to see which Nation is the most popular. Well, this year the contest should be ours, after all this country has been loosing jobs trimming the fat, curtailing civil liberties establishing discipline, and maintaining a deadly war exercising every day. So ladies and gentlemen the #1 country on the planet is America GERMANY???!!! WHAT THE HELL???!!! I mean why Germany? We saved Europe's ass back in WWII and this is how they repay us? Have the World forgotten that Germany was the original Axis of Evil?... You know you lost it when the World would rather have Hitler Nazi Germany as your buddy rather than hang out with you... I mean this is Germany we are talking about! They even have a word about taking please out of the suffering of others! (Schadenfreude, God even the word sounds German) Canada Japan I understand, they have some freaking robots and Anime… but Germany? How the hell did this happen? This makes no sense, I am pretty sure we did well in the talent contest… I mean it takes a lot of talent to create a housing crisis to trigger a global depression and freeze banking credit …dammit I knew we should have gone to war with Iran… that may have won us some points… I mean we hanged Saddam Hussein!! That should count as bonus points!!… I mean World… really? Look at the list Germany, Canada… France?? And Brazil???… are you kidding me? The world would rather have a beer with Canada (aka America Jr., which by the way it still underage), have a date with filthy France, and hang out with the country that invented the Brazilian Wax!?… I don’t understand this anymore… Then there is the tea-sucking British and… hey wait a minute… the EU doesn’t count!! That is a group of Europeans, that’s cheating!!! Dammit, I knew Obama™ would become a liability, you though being the most popular guy around the world would get you some extra points… But the good news is that at least we are better than Russia and China! So…. WE ARE NUMBER 1! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! You know what, who cares what the world thinks, what matters is what America thinks, and we think we are AWESOME! New “Craze” Takes Global Community By Storm flag burning still favorite activity by hippie bear-loving liberals February 5, 2009 - Nation, a strange youth sub-culture activity has emerge recently… or as they call it “the new in”(?)… Liberal bear-loving youngsters are wasting their time in this strange crazy activity of “throwing shoes” at head of states or VIPs… Nation, I always thought myself of being ‘hip’ or something, but this strange craze activity seems to be a waste of time… recently the Sweden people threw their shoes to some joo, then the tea-sucking English threw theirs to some Chinese dude…, and I was told that some Arab guy threw his to… NOTHING HAPPENED… moving on… Nation, I think we all agree that young people really need to stop doing this “crazy activity”, that’s a waste of good shoes… *UPDATE: Wikiality has just learned that besides throwing shoes, young people has also gone stealing music from The Rich Music Industry hard working Real Americans… young people will never learn… “Hilarious Racist Email Gets GOP Official Fired Promoted” Rush Limbaugh: Funniest sh*t ever!! Allwhitesonly-town Hillsborough County. February 5, 2009 - Nation, we received news that Florida’s state committeewoman Carol Carter, of the Hillsborough County Republican Executive Committee, will be promoted to a new position within the Republican Committee. The job will entitle a work-at-home benefits so she will never have to set her foot on the office, and a generous salary and since Carol Carter is such a loyal republican she is willing to volunteer her time and work for free! Such a loyal republican, the GOP hopes to have many more people like her. We were told the reason she was fired promoted was because they found her racist email pretty hilarious! Actual Email: From: Carol Carter Friday, January 30, 9:30 AM Subject: FW: Amazing! I’m confused How can 2,000,000 blacks get into Washington, DC in 1 day in sub zero temps when 200,000 couldn’t get out of New Orleans in 85 degree temps with four days notice? :Carol Carter (Wikiality apologizes for the inconvenience. Our legal attorney told us that we needed to delete the email because of its poor content… I don’t see what poverty has anything to do with it… I thought it was funny) In any case we salute the people at Hillsborough County. Your many years of loyal services will not be forgotten. People like David Storck taught us the importance of being prepared against the dangers of “undesirables”. And who can forget Al Austin’s plan to eradicate The Problem… Also, we were told that the people of Hillsborough County has their own black friend… Nation, if you wanna get promoted, you better follow her example. And if someone asks who gave you the idea, tell them that DELETED gave you the idea for it! SHOCKING NEWS: Mooslim president tells GOP to “Go F@#k Yourself” Dick Cheney claims Trademark infringement Islamofacist States of Neo-Russia. February 5, 2009 - Well nation, I have some shocking news. Looks like our mooslim president doesn’t just know some fancy words, but also some dirty ones too! Here is a transcript of the speech he gave at the Energy Department: Obama™: "Now, I read the other day that critics of this plan ridiculed our notion that we should use part of the money to modernize the entire fleet of federal vehicles to take advantage of state of the art fuel efficiency. This is what they call pork. You know the truth. It will not only save the government significant money over time, it will not only create manufacturing jobs for folks who are making these cars, it will set a standard for private industry to match. And so when you hear these attacks deriding something of such obvious importance as this, you have to ask yourself -- are these folks serious? Is it any wonder that we haven't had a real energy policy in this country? tell them to “Go F@#k Yourself” GOP, I AM YOUR PRESIDENT BIATCH!!!" Mr. mooslim president this intrepid reporter we are not scare, but thankfully we have Joe The Plumber as The Greatest Economic Recovery Advisor Ever, and his plans are brilliant! Great News: The mooslim president declares truce with GOD!! Hawaii now part of the United States of Heaven-America; Angels celebrates! The United States of Heaven. February 5, 2009 - In an impressive move God was able to defeat the mooslim president, just moments ago Obama™ declared his surrender to the All Mighty. The move comes as a shock and has emboldened Talian-like sectarians groups to a call of jihad and violence the GOP to a call for republican partisanship bipartisanship within the Nation and the extermination of “undesirables”. The mooslim president released a letter stating his mistake and apologized for attacking GOD… Meanwhile the GOP will throw a celebratory party for their recent victory. The Co-Chairman, Rush Limbaugh, was said to have a “special” item to share among friends… New Liberal Movie: “I Know What You Did Last Fiscal Year” A snoozefest February 5, 2009 - Seriously, who wrote this movie? The plot is terrible and very unrealistic. Here is the plot, some rich guy hoodwinked a bunch of smart joos guys. Then some intrepid financial fraud investigator discovers the largest scam in financial history and fights shadowy figures to expose the greatest financial cover-up in American financial history… yeah, the little guy brings down the white rich guy and shames the entire regulatory agency for their most shocking blunders… seriously the most unrealistic plot ever… I mean… really? You want to make me believe that a regulatory agency is made up of monkeys… that the market cannot regulate itself… that smart joos guys were taken by a con man… and that some guy was able to expose all this by himself…? yeah right… EMEGENCY NEWS: mooslim president Declares War on God!! Satan promises to contribute hell’s troops in The War on God Islamofacist Communist Atheist States of Neo-Russia. February 4, 2009 - Nation, terrible news!! The Source of All of Our Troubles has done it again!! He just declared War on Heaven!!! Nation, this isn’t the first time that The Source of All of Our Troubles has caused an international crisis. We have evidence that prior to taking office the mooslim leader sent a secret envoy (or a WMD) into Britain to cause troubles as a retaliatory response for their terrible secret attack against the US. That’s right Nation, we are secretly at war against Britain but that’s News for another time… Nation, we must get ready… looks like the rapture is getting close! Also, it looks like the mooslim president’s name and image has been Trademarked recently, so everytime we mention Obama™ we must pay a pretty penny… DAMMIT!! Which is why don’t be surprise if we replace his mooslim name with “The Source of All of Our Troubles” unless it gets trademarked too… GOP Co-Chairman more powerful than GOD Jesus Satan! Prince of Darkness looses title… United Super States of America. February 4, 2009 - Nation, The new co-chairman of the GOP, Rush Limbaugh, will accept a very important award this year. “The Most Influential Man in America” is only given to Real Americans who yield real power for the good of the Real American people. The man is so powerful he could kick God’s Satan’s ass if he wanted too… and he will. Our liege we await your orders!! Obama’s Communist Plan to Redistribute My America’s Wealth In America Neo-Russia, Obama Redistributes you… Islamofacist Communist States of Neo-Russia. February 4, 2009 - Well Nation, we were warned, we were told, and we were promised that Obama will turn America now Neo-Russia into a socialist country. According with our sources the mooslim president wants to limit the executive pays of rich CEOs Entrepreneurial Americans. This means that CEOs small business owners will see a reduction pay in their big bonuses hourly wages… Obama are you nuts? These poor CEOs business owners need money now more than ever to pay off their extravagant lifestyle debt. Now is not the time to be partisan about it! Luckily the GOP is in full force on this one, the new chairman is ready to pummel the mooslim president. But he wont be alone, The Greatest Maverick Ever has proclaimed that the mooslim’s plan for economic recovery is terrible, that the mooslim president needs to learn economics 101, and that John "The Maverick" McCain would like to help destroy Obama before he destroys whatever is left of Real America… But don’t take my word for it, The Greatest Ex-Vice President Ever is warning us that if we don’t stop Obama, the Terrorist will attack soon! Maybe tomorrow! SHOCKING NEWS: MOOSLIM PRESIDENT MADE OF FAIL!! IMPEACH HIM NOW!! The United States of AMERICA. February 3, 2009 - Nation, we have some good news! The mooslim president just realize he is a mistake!! He just admitted he botched and mishandle our Nation! Now is the time to strike back!! Obama is such a fool… Silly man, doesn’t he realize that he could be responsible for an economic devastation, a bankrupt government, a disastrous war, the death of thousands of service men and women and still be declared the victim of circumstances… what a fool, clearly he is no presidential material. Obama doesn’t seem to reazlize that there is no legal reason for a president to have integrity or to have accountability on this government. Obama doesn’t seem to realize that there is no reason for a president to be a spineless coward that cant take the heat or have tax cheaters on his government. Clearly, we have to impeach him now!!!… I mean he is asking for it!!!! Financial News: Time for great savings How to fire your employees and feel good at the same time Junket-town, USA. February 3, 2009 - Nation, as long as the mooslim is our president, this economy will go under. But thankfully I have a few ideas suggestions on how to save your economy! Nation, if you are a business owner, knowing your customers is one of the most important fundamentals and tenants of business success. Knowing who looks like poor and has no money, who looks like a punk that will scare away customer, and who looks like the Gay and will sexually harass you Keeping the “undesirables” away from the clientele is very important for their safety. Just ask Gary James, a business owner of the “Chicaro Club” and possible future City Councilman of Enid, Oklahoma. “We got to keep them UNDESIRABLES away from our business… I reken if we don’t they would flap their PARTS on the face of custumers… and them CAUCASIAN PEOPLE wel pruvably steal me money and EXPLICIT ACT our wymin…” declared the restaurant owner. Well done Mr. Gary James! We need more people like you to run the business of America, in America, for Real Americans! And people of Enid, Oklahoma, don’t forget the election is being held next Tuesday, February 10. DON’T FORGET TO VOTE! However, sometimes even the most trusted clientele could still betray you. Sometimes they would steal those free peanuts/pretzels from the bowl (hey! IS FOR EVERYONE!), take an extra roll of toilet paper from the bathroom to take home, or even use all of the soap… well not anymore. The fine people of Ysgol Dyffryn Teifi in Llandysul, Ceredigion (where the hell is Wales? Is that even English American?), have installed cameras on their school bathrooms to monitor their kids. According with the head teacher, Mr. Aeron Rhys, “Those little buggers have been stealing our towel papers, misusing soap, and flushing way too many times… what are we feeding these kids? The expenses of last month alone were enormous! At this rate we were afraid we would need a bailout just to pay the cost of the bathroom…” Well done I say. You can never know what do kids do on the bathrooms anyway, so in a way you kill two stones with a bird… I think… you keep children from having premarital sex AND make sure no one is stealing soap to keep costs down… I hope they keep copies of the tapes so all of us can monitor those brats just to make sure they are behaving… I hear NAMBLA some children’s organization wants to volunteer for free! (Score, free labor too!) And Nation, don’t forget if you own a large bail out successful business, is time to give a well-earned vacation to your executives employees. After all they slave work tirelessly hard for you and your company for peanuts fair wages. So remember, a happy worker is a profitable worker… So remember Nation, if you follow these examples, your business will probably fail become a success!… and if you are successful I hope I get my 90% cut… what? You thought I was giving financial advise for free? I am not a hippie bear-loving liberal! How dare you! I better see a check soon… FANTASTIC NEWS: Joe The Plumber New Chairman Co-chairman of GOP!!! Fantastic!! USA! USA! USA! USA! February 3, 2009 - Nation, we bring you some good news! Joe the Plumber has accepted the nomination as the new chairman of the GOP! Finally we can get rid of that black man… co-chairman of the GOP so he can help the black man new guy! The GOP has promised an era of cooperation and change, and change is coming all right! Meanwhile the liberal bear-loving hippies are crashing down… This is why I have a secret off-shore account, so I pay little taxes… Palin Fights in The War on Terra Wolves run for the hills! The Queendom of Alaska Alaska, USA. February 3, 2009 - Nation, we need your help more than ever! The treacherous wolves have joined an alliance with the bears to invade Alaska, and they are preparing to launch an attack anytime soon! Sarah Palin has been chosen as The Supreme Commander of the Alaskan Anti-Wolf Unit!! We must get our guns and rifles, and shoot them before is too late! Join the fight, shoot the wolves before they shoot you back! There is plenty of evidence that the liberals have been handing guns to the wolves to fight back!! URGENT NEWS: Liberal Congress Wants to Pass Anti-Clown Law!! Mimes are still freaky Porkland Purity-town, USA. February 3, 2009 - Nation, the liberal bear-loving hippie congress hates a lot of things, and many of those things that they hate makes America great! …they hate money, they hate freedom, they hate straight marriage, and they hate apple pies… but mostly… they hate clowns… precisely the “Abstinence Clown”! “Abstinence Clown” is one of the most beloved figures in The War on pre-marital Sex. He gets paid $800,000 to teach the wonders of abstinence He volunteers his time to teach children the wonders of no sex until marriage… Without him kindergarteners would be having sex during naptime!! Nation, we must stop congress from cutting funding from abstinence programs that don’t work persecuting clowns!! What is this? Nazi Germany? But the liberal bear-loving hippie democrats will probably use “their science” to explain why must clowns die… Nation, write to your congressman and tell them to stop funding abstinence programs killing clowns! NATION, SAVE THE CLOWN!!! Groundhog Day: Rodent Terrorist Bites un-american traitor liberal mayor Al-Qaeda: you will suffer six more weeks of winter! Gaylandia States of America. February 2, 2009 - Nation, looks like Al-Qaeda has recruited another animal in the War on Terror. Charles G. Hogg Mohammed G. Hadd is a terrorist groundhog who not only promised another ‘six more weeks of winter’ but will make sure all Americans will relieve the same horrible day over and over again… But his rain of terror was not over... after his anti-american speech, he then later bit the mayor of NY and stole his wallet. Punxsutawney Phil is the most famous and most successful groundhog in the family, and has the unfortunate misfortune of being Mohammed G. Hadd’s cousin. When asked about the behavior of his lesser famous cousin he replied, “He is a show-off, biting the mayor’s hand means nothing… He is just doing it to get some tail, if you know what I mean…” Obama’s Superbowl Party is a Fiasco Please, someone think of the children!! Pr0ncity, USA. February 2, 2009 - the mooslim president is already a failure, and one wonders why is he still trying. According with sources Obama hosted his first Superbowl Party at the White House. To make sure that nothing went wrong, Obama’s personal techno-geeks took over all of the TV stations around the country, to make sure that his office would get exclusive footage of the game! Liberal hippies and Real Americans came to the party to enjoy the game, as a sign of bipartisanship… there was no sign of anything that could possibly go wrong… What they didn’t expect was what would some call “The most horrendous event in Superbowl history, not since the wardrobe malfunction incident”… What awaited tv viewers around the nation was not the football game but a movie of the sexual and pornographic nature… According with sources, Obama’s techno-geeks botched the signal and aired a porno movie for a full hour! “It was horrible! I had kids with me watching the game!!” claimed a God-fearing Republican. “If this it what the Obama’s watches during Sunday… then he is and will never be my president!” “I am pretty sure there is a logical explanation I like it” claimed the hippie bear-loving liberal. Nation, after the porno movie was aired for one full hour, we believe this pissed off God! As a response God sent the biggest snowstorm of the century to cover London Washington for the sin of loving porno movies. If Obama is smart he should sign a presidential pardon for those techs before they are subpoena in front of Congress for airing filthy movies. Martha Washington: Hottie First Lady or The Hottiest First Lady Ever? FLILF!! Sexyland Islamofacist States of America. February 2, 2009 - When you think Martha Washington, you think of a overweight, grumpy, patriotic, modest, and a sweet senile old lady… well not anymore… according with sources liberal historians or “Revisionistas” want to change the image of our first First Lady… they want to sex her up!! The liberal historians believe that Martha Washington was more “lively, sexy, and fun”. “She was a God-fearing woman… but also loved reading gothic romance novels! (the equivalence of trashy romance novels). She was a fierce business woman (many called her a slave-driver… literally), and love night clubs, so she would party all night!” claimed a historian idiotic liberal. Nation, don’t let the “Revisionistas” change the image of our First Lady! We have evidence that their “evidence” is questionable at best. They base most of their ‘fantasy’ from an old article that could be interpreted in many ways… Playboy’s 1748 Edition: Playmate Data Sheet Name: Martha Custis Dandridge (aka colonial Turkey-loving revel) Bust: 34D Waist: 24 Hips: 34 Height: 5 feet Weight: 115 Birth date: June 2, 1731 Birthplace: New Kent County, Virginia Ambitions: To be the First on something… Turn-ons: I love freedom, liberty, and men in uniforms… (Ambitious men are a plus) Turnoffs: I hate oppression, taxation without representation, and tyrants. My Favorite Activities: tearing down the British establishment and sticking it up to the Crown… My Family In a Nutshell: They area all farmers… except for my illegitimate half-sister, Ann Dandridge, who is my personal slave, literally! My Three Guilty Pleasures: Reading Gothic Novels, Night Clubbing, and Horse Ridding. The Best Concert I Ever Saw: All Baroque concerts, but don’t tell my daddy! Un-American News: Lesbian declared as First King of Iceland ”Abomination Watch” caught off guard… Iceland Gayslandia. February 1, 2009 - Nation, we have noticed a very disturbing trend lately. In this collapsing world, people are driven by fear and desperation, which blinds them from reason and end up electing "undesirables" as their new leaders… we suspect many of them have drunk too much from the spiked punch of liberalism…! First we saw our beloved Nation of America elect a black man mooslim as their new president, now we have skyrocketing unemployment, a collapsing economy, and terror warnings around the word… no sooner has this happened that the Icelandic government collapsed was overthrown by the liberals and a Lesbian was elected as the new PM King of Iceland now Gaylandia… (a woman with power and ruler of a country? How gay is that!) Whats next? Will the Germans elect Knut the Polar Bear as their new Führer? (considering since we are talking about the Germans, this wouldn’t be the first or last time they elect a godless killing machine..). Will France capitulate to their sissified citizens and finally elect a Baguette as the new French President? (Knowing the French, that would actually be an improvement…). If this trend continues many loyals bushies and friends of The Greatest President Ever could find themselves out of work... Nation, this kind of trend is disturbing as it is already reaching the far corners of the world! But thankfully no sort of thing will ever happen to Real Americans or the GOP. The Republican Party will stick to its principles, and show the rest of the world that we will outlast these liberal desperate idiots who thinks electing anyone for the sake of affirmative action liberal-gay-bear-loving-hippie policies can “magically” fix their problems… After all, we are not a party of White Rich folks, we are more than that and we will show them all!!!… World, meet the new GOP and we will kick ass!! We will resist this liberal islamogayfacist trend and ideology of electing “questionable” leaders out of desperation just because the world is going in a blaze of glory… New Age For GOP! H. Hoover Herbert H. H. H. : Good times are back! Idiot-town Patriot-town. February 1, 2009 - Nation, we have some good news. The GOP is back! Now that we have a black man God-fearing man as our new leader, I know that the Republican Party is in good hands! And not just a good man, but a modest one too! But enough about the black man… it is time to reinvigorate the partee!! And don’t worry America, our party will be fresh, strong, and it will bring new ideas to reinvigorate our country! …after all we are the party of ideas! And we will unveil our new plan to rescue our country… as soon as we get something soon enough… We cannot leave the fate of the country to the irresponsible democrats who NOT only refuse to our demands ideas for more taxcuts, who not only wont listen to our whines suggestions, but refuse to acknowledge we are still the majority we are still the voice of Real America… after a couple of weeks Obama has lead our nation into disaster and has been unable to fix all of America's problems, clearly a failure of his part… But don’t worry, we are still strong and united within the Republican Party! As soon as the mooslim president realize he is useless without us, he will have to follow our demands listen to our suggestion to retain our partisanship bipartisanship for the good of the country. Are you listening Obama! Better do what we are telling you! Otherwise you are being a divider and un-american! Be a Patriot, listen to our demands concern! Only a fool would just sit around and do nothing while complaining and undermining the American people ---- Breaking News Archive